he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
