there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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