I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
