I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
