my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
