I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
