That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
