Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she smelled like a LAN party
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
