Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
