I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
