tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
