some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
