I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
