I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
