Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
