Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
