If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
