Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
