I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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