he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
