Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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