if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
