I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize