i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
