so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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