I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
