I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
