exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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