Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
