i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
