i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
