i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
