she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize