I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
