Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You made out with two different species that night
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
