Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
