last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
