my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
