I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
