and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
