so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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