Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just threw up on my dentist
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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