stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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