I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
