The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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