Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
