Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
