Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
vagina is talking i cant
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
