me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize