Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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