is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
babies were throwing up all over the place
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
