I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
