actually, I'm a sock model
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
