What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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