Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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