Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
