They should really pass out barf bags in church
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
