Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my vag is so smooth its legendary
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
