me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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