I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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