And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
