Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
