when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
