I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
