Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
