we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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