i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
