i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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