I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
