I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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