your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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