If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
