"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
