as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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