Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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