It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
