yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
