What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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