Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
