Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
