She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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