with your own penis?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
