I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
