Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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