when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
