Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
