you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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